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Grumpuss is the story of Sir Ellery, a courageous day-dreamer, chosen by his king to vanquish or tame the Grumpuss — a formidable task because, as the king learns . . .

A Grumpuss is not like a dragon,
Rather more like a large, surly cat
With tremendous paws and gigantic claws
And jaws that can crush armor flat!

They've wide yellow eyes that watch every move.
They live mostly in rocky terrain.
It seems that meat is all they eat.
They sneeze, when confronted with grain.

They've been seen near the coast, for the most part,
But they're carefully avoided by men
According to fable, the beasts are unstable —
Worse, when defending a den!

Tawny gold is their normal coloring,
But they turn all to stripes, when their crazed
And then, even a knight might resort to flight,
For they'll fight, sire, and you'd be amazed!

Just imagine a mad, ten foot tabby . . .

Nearly everyone offers advice on how best to hunt down the Grumpuss, but the youthful knight is so lost in his daydreams that none of it sinks in.  And Rashpur, a frightening dwarf who dwells in a cave at the top of the Woeful Gorge, even suggests that if Sir Ellery can tame, rather than slay the Grumpuss, his glory will be greatly increased.

When hunter and hunted finally confront each other, their meeting is more hilarious than horrifying and our rash hero concludes that the dwarf was right!  After a week with the Grumpuss, Sir Ellery attempts a triumphant return to court with the tame Grumpuss at his side.  All goes well until they set out across the rich, golden fields of grain . . .

Then the knight noticed the Grumpuss looked strange
Its nose was all swollen and sore.
Its eyes were all red and it hung its head,
And something he'd not seen before,

It seemed to be wearing another cat's coat
It had gone all to stripes, end to end,
And its tail snapped and twitched like a thing bewitched.
Said the knight, of the change in his friend,

"Oh, I say.  You do look awful . . ."

Awful, indeed, but worse still when Sir Ellery tries to refresh the allergy-stricken Grumpuss with a hearty fistful of celery, a particularly hazardous vegetable!  A terrible battle ensues and when, in the awful silence that follows, the farmers and villagers venture forth to search for the knight, he and the Grumpuss are nowhere to be found.

That night, the dwarf is awakened by blood-curdling howls and a horrible, ghostly clatter!

Like a nightmare come true, it reeled into view
The source of the frightening sound
The wounded Grumpuss, all covered in gore,
Dragging the knight 'cross the ground.
The dwarf manages to nurse the battered knight and the wounded Grumpuss back to health.
Not a moment too soon, for the next day, at noon,
The king, with an army of men,
All well-armed and grave, surrounded the cave,
Certain it was the Grumpuss' den.
And as you might imagine, there are more twists in store before this exciting fantasy adventure reaches its delightful conclusion . . .

Travis Edward Pike, Otherworld Cottage, 23 July 2001
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